


Fishface Rides Again

by inkyopolis



Category: Homestuck
Genre: M/M, POV First Person, Pony Play, he's kind of a shit, it's cronus narrating
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-12-08
Updated: 2015-12-08
Packaged: 2018-05-05 14:13:51
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,712
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5378189
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/inkyopolis/pseuds/inkyopolis
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Cronus, in unnecessarily graphic detail, recounts the story of how he and Horuss meet for the first time and promptly hooked up on top of a pile of hoofbeast “art.”</p>
            </blockquote>





	Fishface Rides Again

So there I was, standing there, jaw on the floor, cigarette hanging out of my mouth like some kind of imbicile waitin' for the culling. I don’t mind saying, on account of my usually humble nature and all, but I mean, I was gob-smacked. And it was cause of this little goofball in some kind of mask and goggles getup, carrying, I kid you not, a giant blue horse cock on his shoulder, like he was off to fight in great dick war or some shit. 

And look, I know you may be aware of my occasional propensity to, uh, stretch things (heh), but this guy was walkin’ around with a, honest-god monster dong slung over his shoulder, like he’s carrying the thing to Sunday brunch. So, I gotta know what’s up with this guy, cause he has to be getting into some weird shit carrying that around in public.

So I stroll up to him, cigarette readjusted to its rightful place for maximum coolness, and lay down, “Hey, I, uh, couldn’t help but notice...”

Motherglubber didn’t even let me finish my opening gambit before he’s rudely interrupting yours truly. 

“Oh hello! Yes! My art! It’s exquisitely breathtaking is it not?”

I took a long drag on my unlit cigarette, held the imaginary smoke for a second, nodded, and exhaled. “Took the words right out my mouth chief.”

“Yes, it attracts a number of ganders! My name is Horuss, and may I inquire about yours?”

I nodded, my eyes going up and down his body, checking what’s what. Guy seemed to have a nice bod, you know, for a total fuckin’ weirdo. 

“Pleased to meet ya chief, the name’s Cronus. So... you get a lot of cats askin’ about your, uh, piece there?”

“Well… few interlocutors I’m afraid. Mostly glances. I think it may be too much of an intimidating presence for some, too STRONG for the low-bloods in particular.”

Ah, a bloodcaste fan. Score one for yours truly. 

“You don’t say?” I asked, kinda rhetorically but I’m not sure he caught that part.

“Yes, many a times I’ve been trotting about with it and have noticed others look at me, and then step entirely out of my way. Sometimes sauntering to the other side of the street! Even after I smile my biggest most welcoming smile, giving the appropriate body language to communicate they have nothing to fear from its MIGHTY presence!”

I look him up and down again. Okay, so the guy’s a little… off. But not bad on the eyes... you know, once you get past the whole mask thing. So I think about it a bit more and think to myself, ‘Cronus, you're the kinda guy that likes a little adventure, maybe this guy might be eas ...er, uh, essentially harmless.’ 

So I placed my hand on my chin and pasted as much of an interested look on my face as I could muster. Stifled my speech a bit, tryin’ to mimic the stilted way he’s talking and said, “Well, yeah boss, I could see how perhaps LOWER individuals might be intimidated.”

He paused and, I couldn’t exactly tell cause of those fuckin’ goggles, but I’m pretty sure he was checking me out now. So I gave him a bit of the ol’ Ampora charm, you know, coy grin, flex my muscles a little bit, and cause he seemed into the whole hemospectrum thing, craned my neck ever so slightly so he could catch a look at my neck-frills. Not much purpose for them on land, but if you wanna flash someone the blood colors real quick, you know, let ‘em know whose fucking blood-boss, it’s not a bad way to go as far as subtly is concerned. Not that it mattered. This cat didn’t seem big into subtly. 

I know he caught a glance at the colors, cause he trilled. I mean, trilled like a cuttlefish or some shit. And then I noticed he’s startin’ to sweat. And, I mean, it was just fuckin’ pouring off of him. Not gonna lie, was kinda grossed out a little. But, I thought about it a second and figured, hey, glubber was probably feelin’ pretty honored to talk to someone so much better than him. 

So I waggled my eyebrows and tried to get down to business. “So chief, how much of big blue there can you, uh, take?”

He tilted his head. “I, uh, I... I’m not sure I understand.” Then he just let out with this huge-ass smile. That’s when I notice his teeth were jacked as hell. 

“Oh no need to play the fool here boss, I’m into what you’re throwing down.” I reached over and gave his non-dong supporting shoulder a gentle squeeze. Fuck me, glubber’s shoulders were hard as a rock under that uniform. Realized I needed to get that off of him so I can do a little close inspection if you catch my drift. 

“Oh! I think I understand your inquiry! I always hope to run into other hoofbeast aficionados when on my daily trot, but so far you are the first!”

“Err, uh, yeah, I am most certainly exactly what you just said.” 

“Which models do you collect?”

Collect? What the fuck was this cat on about? So I said, “Well chief, I gotta admit, my collection ain’t that big at the moment. You know, just gettin’ started out and all.” My brain scrambled tryin’ to figure out what to say next, how to keep this going. “But I’m interested in learning more from experts such as yourself.”

He flicked his head to the side again, ponytail swinging around the back of his head. I didn’t think his smile could get any bigger, but it did. Jacked teeth for fuckin’ days. “From me? A highblood such as yourself is interested in learning from me?”

“Well sure chief. You seem like you know your stuff.”

He seemed stunned. I worried he was gonna burst in to tears and make a scene. Well, you know, a bigger scene than a guy walking down the street with an electric blue dong the size of baseball bat already makes. So, I guess a marginally bigger scene is what I’m sayin’. But he didn’t. Instead, he got all deadly serious.

“It would be an honor if you came to my respiteroom to see my full collection.”

Fuckin’ jackpot. 

“Lead the way champ.”

*-*-*-*

He practically ran back to his place. I had to call after him a half dozen times to slow the fuck down. 

Every single time, he would stop, give me that ‘my mouth can jack shit up’ smile and say something like, “Sorry, didn’t mean to hoof in quite so hard” or “Apologies, guess I’ve got my blinders on.” Like, horse-stuff, ever friggin’ time. At first I thought it was kinda cute, ya know, but by the third time, I’m getting’ a little tired of the Mr. Ed routine. 

But we got back to his place soon enough, and after fumblin’ around with his keys for a minute, he opened the door.

And I gotta tell ya, I’ve seen a lot of weird shit in my day. But if you had asked me to imagine what a “hoofbeast enthusiast’s” home looked like, no chance I woulda even come close to what I saw. 

The smell is actually what hit me first. Like a mix of a gym that needs to be hosed down, a hamper, and an electrical fire. Just kinda overwhelmes you. Not sure I ever got it outta my clothes neither. 

Once my eyes adjusted to the darkness, I looked around, and it’s this tiny little room with free weights everywhere, robot parts all over the floor, and, oh yeah, poster after poster of just giant fuckoff musclebeasts with no pants. And I ain’t shamin’ anyone’s shit you know. You wanna fuck it, I’m most likely into it. But this... this was taking it to a place. 

So now I’m thinkin’, okay Cronus, maybe you’re, like, a little bit in over your head here. But I took a deep drag on my unlit cigarette, which helped filter out the smell, and thought to myself, you know what, fuck it, in for a penny, in for pound. 

Rather than giving me a tour or doing any of the hospitality stuff one might usually expect when you’re an honor guest, he just starts digging through the closet right away. Yells back out to me, “Do make yourself at home! I will be just a second.”

I looked around and saw one chair in the corner that looked covered in some kind of stains that I didn’t want to try to identify. 

“I’m good chief, thanks.” 

He came back from the closet, arms filled with... just like... two dozen hugeass silicone dongs floppin’ every which way. I mean, all different shapes, colors, sizes, like he’s put together some kinda primo dick bouquet for me. 

“Equinemuscle Fancier just gave these models five VIGUROUS thumbs up,” he remarked, making his way over to me.

I guess he couldn’t see where he was stepping, cause I hear this */-CLANG-/* as he trips on a robot arm there on the floor. And I’m standing there watching as he tips backwards, and just for a second I think he’s gonna recover. He starts correcting, catching his balancing and coming forward, and then I guess he just tried to get his hands out in front of him to break his fall. 

I say I guess here ‘cause all of a sudden I got two dozen wobbly horse noodles coming at my face. Normally, I’m pretty quick on my feet, but, not gonna lie, didn’t really have time to process what was flyin’ at me. One of those rubbery cats caught me square in the jaw and so a second later, I’m makin’ acquaintances with my new pal’s floor.

I hear him say, and I’m not making this up, “Aww! Fiddlesticks!” In a hot second he’s crawlin’ over and starts pulling his collection off of me, apologizing the whole time for his “STRONG language.” 

As he’s pullin’ the last dongle on my face, I’m lookin up at this guy, and he’s just lookin’ down on me and I can see, like, he’s horror-stricken. And he looks so afraid that I start to panic, thinkin’ that maybe he busted my nose or something. So I cry out, “Shit, how bad is it?!?”

He just keeps sayin’ over and over, “I... I…” 

I reach up and grab him by the shoulders, losing my cool a bit (hey, happens to us all right?) and bark at him, “Just tell me!”

“I broke your cigarette. Oh gosh! Please forgive me!”

I let go him and just collapse on the floor. I start to say somethin’, but it just turns into this ridiculous laugh. You know, like, the ones were you just start laughing and can’t stop even though your chest kinda hurts cause you just got nailed with a dozen flappin’ rubber dicks? One of those. And meanwhile, he’s sitting there, on hands and knees, looking over me like he’s killed his lusus or somethin’. 

So, after a minute I get myself back under control and look up at him and say, “Can’t say I’m used to havin’ this many dicks in my face on a first date hoss.” 

His expression changed immediately. I swear I can see him starting to sweat again. “A... is this a date? With me?” he asks.

So I run my hands up his arms, squeezing his biceps--fuck they were nice--and shoot back, “Well, of course it is chief. You wanna find out how far I go on a first date?”

Sweat-city. “I... uh… “ he’s stammering.

My hands find their way across his chest and I’m already undoing the buttons on his uniform. I ask, “What’s a matter cute-stuff, am I not your type or somefin?”

“You are... uh… exquisite, uh… surrounded by all this STRENGTH.”

“Aww, that’s so sweet. I bet you say that to all the highbloods.”

He shakes his head no. 

“Or maybe you’re just tryin’ to get into my pants.”

“I.. uh... I am most certainly not trying to do something so vulgar.”

“You don’t have to be so shy about it boss. I can read it on your face.” I pulled my hands off him and went to my waistband, undid the button and pulled the zipper down. “See, all the sweet talk from you is totally workin.”

He looked down as I pulled my cock out and gave it a few squeezes, you know, just sayin’ hello, being friendly. The corners of his mouth curl up and I could see that cheshire grin creeping back in. 

“You wanna taste some royalty chief?” I waggled my cock at him. “Or you gonna leave me hanging here?”

He paused for a second, seeming not sure what he’s supposed to do. Have to say, the shy ones are always so much work. So I figured I gotta help him out a bit, and so I grab him by one of the horns and guide his head down. He figures it out pretty quick, cause once he’s up-close and personal with yours truly, he starts tonguing my junk like he’s cleaning out the bottom of a sopor slime pie. 

Now, I’m not one to kiss and tell, but let me tell you, once he got going, that glubber was not shy. Cat kept mumbling shit about carrots and salt licks, but he kept that tongue busy, so I wasn’t gonna stop to ask him what he was going on about. His horns made these perfect handlebars too, so I just held on to the reigns and went for a little pony ride. 

When he opened that mouth of his up and sucked my cock in, I discovered glubber didn’t have a gag-reflex. Oh, jackpot. Do I ever know how to pick ‘em or what. 

I’m no amateur at keeping it steady while gettin’ polished, if I do say so myself, but it’s kinda hard to stay cool when someone’s managed to seal their lips at your base while tonguing your boys. I mean, I could feel his nose pressed into my pelvis, just like, installing itself there. So I start sweatin’, telling myself ‘Come on Cronus, hold it together for just a bit longer as you ride this little potato into the sunset,’ but nyeah, I just shook, held onto his horns for dear life and popped my cork down his throat. 

I swear I could feel the walls of his throat massaging my hotrod as he swallowed. I just fuckin’ shook and shook as I dumped pails into him. 

Once the aftershocks stopped, I let go and collapsed back onto the floor. Glubber just comes up off of me like it wasn’t no big thing, lickin’ his lips, lookin’ pleased as punch. 

“Fuck chief.”

“That was MOST OBSCENE.”

“Yeah, you’re telling me.”

So I’m just lying there, catching my breath for a second, and he just keeps looking down at me, smiling. Finally, cause it’s starting to get a little weird, I ask, “What’s up?”

“I uh...” 

“Yeah?” 

“I was wondering if, uh...”

“Spit it out boss.”

“You would uh... care to ride your blueblood steed your excellency.”

I looked up at him, you know, not quite getting it at first. But then I spot the party-sized tent he’s pitchin’ in his pants and it clicks into place. And you know me, bein’ so generous and noble and all, I always wanna do things for the little guy. So I shrug and say, “What the hell. Take off those pants and lay down.”

He’s up in a flash and is practically tearin’ off all his clothes, ‘cept for that mask thing. It becomes apparent that’s stayin on no matter what. So I pull myself off the ground and start making a neat little pile of my own threads. And when I turn back around, he’s already laying on his back on the floor, cock just flag-poling straight up in the air, sporting some copious leakage. 

And my eyes must have gotten pretty big or somethin’ cause he immediately asks, “Oh no, is my physique not to your VIGOROUS standards?” And I’m thinkin’ to myself as I look over his body, like, has he ever eaten anything other than protein? He’s just a fucking wall of sweating beef with a package that’s got me worried about my ability to walk outta here. 

So I swallow and play it cool, “Well, I mean, I guess I can work this.” 

And, I kid you not, he whinnies.

I walk over and stand over his head, looking down at this grinnin’ dip. I tell him, “I’m gonna need some warmin’ up boss. Wanna help me out with that?”

I don’t think he could have nodded any harder. 

So I kneel down over him, facing towards his sundial, and get my rump up against his face, hooking my feet underneath his head. Not a second later, it’s round two between his tongue and my nether-regions. 

My eyes practically rolled up back into my flippin’ skull as he tongued me. This cat, just an A+ orator if you catch my drift. So, you know, just to make sure we keep this party going and so I can see what I’m in for, I reach down and grab a hold of his rod. It’s so thick that I can’t even close my hand around it. And, I mean, you know me, I’ve been around, but fuck... easily the biggest I ever seen. No fish story.

So I start tuggin’ his meatbat back and forth as he’s going to town. And he’s just dribblin’ ooze over my hands. I’m rocking my hips back and forth against his face and I’m pretty sure he’s in fuckin’ heaven down there. Little embarssed, but I started quaking like a grub when he got his tongue into me and started working that thing around. 

Once Johnny on the spot’s got me good and greased, and he’s spilled enough oil from his piston, I pull up off him, turn around, and get myself all lined up. 

“You ready pony boy?” I ask him, tryin’ to be all playful and shit. 

And he just lets out this stream of hoofbeast sounds, like neighing and snorting. Thank god he was hot, cause this horseshit was startin’ to grate. 

Now, like I said when I started tellin’ you all this, I’m normally a pretty humble guy. Don’t like to brag and shit. Kinda uncouth, you know? But, I was definitely at my finest that day, if I do say so myself. 

After gettin’ all queued up for business, I clamped my eyes shut and managed to slide that missile in. Made it half way down before I had to stop and catch my breath. ‘Keep it cool Cronus, keep it cool,’ I told myself, fighting off the pain. Felt him reach his hands down and take a hold of my hips, practically holding me up. 

“Are you okay your eminence?” he asked.

“Just... phew... not used to being... quite so filled chief.” I swallowed and slid down him further, collapsing when I finally made it the whole way down.

I looked at him and just said “Jegus FUCK.”

“This is MOST inappropriate” he shot back.

I panted and got a grip on his sweat soaked shoulders, propping myself back up. Taking stock, I could feel him in me deep. 

After a second, I finally said, “Think I’m ready here. Why don’t you drive here chief.”

“Are... are you sure you are ready to go into a canter?”

I smiled down at him, “Try me.”

I will admit in retrospect, this was not my best decision. This became apparent when his grip on my hips tightened and I realized, he’d been holding me gently up to this point. So in half a beat, he’s just slammin’ me up and down like a fuckin’ pogostick. I’m gettin’ demolished six ways from Sunday. 

Not exactly proud to admit it, but I just start moanin’ and blubberin’. I mean, just turning into this mess of wrecked nerves. And he’s just lettin’ out with this grunting and neighing and shit, sweatin’ all over. 

I didn’t have much left in me after blowing my goods earlier, and I swear I’m not even making this up, but I feel my legs shaking, and without even touching my junk again, I fuckin’ came. Just, all over his chest. I didn’t even think it was possible I had anything left in me at that point, but meatplow there proved me wrong. 

I guess that must have done something for him, ‘cause seconds later, he’s goin’ all jackhammer Johnny on, me, just in full swing. My ears were filled with the sound of him trying to muffle his swearing mixed with the thwappin’ of his balls smacking against my cheeks. I’m just trying to hold on, hopin’ he doesn’t bounce me into orbit. 

I look down and he’s just got this intense look, grittin’ his teeth, and I wonder if this is how they got all jacked up in the first place. And I kinda smile, and that’s when he starts shaking and I start feelin’ this warmth, deep, deep in me. It’s just fillin’ me, and I can even feel it start leaking out. 

He breathes hard and his grip on my hips loosens. I can feel him riding this thing out, so I give a little flick of my hips back and forth. Oh hey, they still work and are in one piece. Score one for me. 

“How you doin’ there hooves?”

“I have… defiled you.”

I grin down at him as I feel him losing his head of steam, slowly startin’ to slide out. 

“So romantic.”

He blushes, “My apologizes, I did not mean to release inside of you, I... I just...”

“No offense taken chief. I take it as a complement.” 

I pull myself carefully off of him with a wet pop and come up to standing, feeling his genetic material running down my legs. 

“You got any smokes anywhere boss? I feel like a cigarette.”

Motherglubber said, “Neigh.”

**Author's Note:**

> thanks for reading my oddball pairing :3


End file.
